Friday, August 10, 2012

Oh... I Know It's Been a Long Time, and Here's Why

Photo by Dale Forrest
Sometimes time just gets away from me. Sometimes I don't even know what day it is unless I really think about it. And, I've been in a very dark, crappy mood, and who wants to write a blog post when you feel like that? Sorry. I think I'm coming out of it now. Mercury being retrograde sure didn't help with that situation one bit.

When I get like this I tend to isolate myself and hope that nobody messes with me and the more I'm by myself the weirder I get. I fall into a pit that I just can't get out of until the time is right and I'm done wallowing. I've never been so bad that I needed medication but this time a friend had to intervene. She told me to snap out of it because this just wasn't like me. She made me cry, but it's true.  I'm usually a posititive person and I know that what you put out into the Universe is what you get back.

So, here's the stuff that's been on my mind. Maybe if I write it here I will purge my head and it will all go away... maybe...
  • My rib still hurts. Not too bad, but if I move a certain way, or cough, it hurts big time. Ice packs and ibuprofen are my friends. Being in pain makes me cranky and it seems like I just can't catch a break. First, I had hives for eight months in 2011 and a hospital visit because of anaphylaxis related to that. Then, in April of this year I had pneumonia and was in the hospital again. Now, this rib thing. I wish I could wake up just one morning and not be hurt or sick.
  • Every time I get a little ahead financially, something comes along that wants that money. Extra visits to the Chiropractor and Acupuncturist, hiring someone to do the yard work I can't do right now, an already-put-off-twice Dentist appointment, tires for the car... stuff like that. Thank goodness for credit cards!
  • There's going to be a big price increase for PMC on September 1st. I ordered enough clay for the next class that's scheduled to start at the end of September, but this will be the last one. I can't make any money teaching for the University any more. The cost of my class is already the highest of all the Craft Enrichment classes they offer, and I just can't make a profit that's worth my time and effort any more. I wish there were enough people interested in private classes - I'd do that in a heartbeat. I have room in my house/studio to teach 4 or 5 at a time. Know anyone interested?
  • My garden, which usually brings me a lot of joy, looks like crap. It's overgrown and crowded and weedy and I can't do much about it until I'm healed up. And I caught my neighbor stealing from my mulch pile. His excuse was "I only needed a little bit.", but I think he took a trailer full. Sneaky S.O.B. waited until I was gone and helped himself. If I had a pickup truck and the gumption, I'd go down there with my pitchfork and get it back. He said he'd pay for it, but I don't expect to ever see that money.
  • There was a horrible incident up the road from me a couple of weeks ago where a man was threatening his family and someone called the law. The man shot and killed a Sherriff's Deputy, then the Deputy's partner killed the man. Nothing like that has ever happened around here and it felt like there was this cloud of death hanging over the entire hollow. ("Holler", as it's called around here.) I smudged my house and property to clear out the negativity and it feels much better now.
So, I'm working on getting out of this funk and I've enjoyed spending quite a bit of time in the studio. I've done some cleaning and purging and looking through all the stuff I have and trying to figure out what to make with the new things I got at the gem show, and I've actually finished a few things to the firing point. (If they're successful, I'll share them here.) I'm pondering new directions and thinking that in 15 months I'll be able to "retire". I don't think I'll ever quit making jewelry, but with Social Security and a small pension, I won't have to depend on it supporting me, which will be a huge relief. In the meantime I'm looking at classes to develop new skills and doing some practice to polish up some rarely used skills so that I can look at using different materials. Let's hope things are looking up for me.


Wendy McManus said...

Hey Zoe,
I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I'm glad you've got a friend who was willing to give you a little mental slap to bring you back into the world. I've got no hippy, dippy good news sayings for you. When it sucks, it sucks. All I can say is that you know in your heart that it will get better. You know this from your own experience, not because anyone else says it's so. These things move in cycles, and you're due for an up-swing! Know that we're all out here cheering for you.

Zoe Nelson said...

Thanks, Wendy! and you're right about the hippy-dippy good news. Someone told me to make a list of all the good things in my life and I wanted to clock her! I'll be done with this when I'm done with it! I'm glad someone understands.

Alice Walkowski said...

So sorry to hear about your funk Zoe. I've been in a funk too but I really don't have any good reason. It sounds like you do have lots of reasons and I hope you are out of it soon. Just remember to put one foot in front of the other every day and eventually the sun will start shining in your world again. Thinking of you!

Zoe Nelson said...

Thanks, Alice. I hope you feel better soon, too. Must be something in the stars, or something.